Interludes and Inter-“missions”

 The story isn’t over for those who have followed the events and thoughts in “Along the Hong River” just as it isn’t for us in our renewed life along the Oklahoma River. It is now a full two years since we emptied the storage unit which held our earthly belongings, thinning again our possessions,  before reassembling the puzzle into the space of our home on Northwest 17th Street. A lot of the content of our daily activity is not terribly different than it was while we lived in Hanoi, while some things are decidedly different.

We still rise early (the 5:30 am alarm is mostly redundant since the biologic clock is quite firmly set it would seem) and engage in morning exercise and gospel study. We use that study period to seek guidance and revelatory ideas that will help us lift and serve those whom we may meet or connect with during that day and days ahead. My friend and missionary department proselyting guru David Weidman counseled me to inquire of the Lord each day as to which of our elders or sisters may need an emotional touch of some sort that day. More often than not, when I have done that, the resulting experience has been rich and tender. The lesson for me is that the endowment of love for our fellow missionaries, and for the saints and friends that came into our lives there, carries with it the responsibility and opportunity to continue to minister and grow with them.

It wasn’t very long after we had been home that I realized how treacherous the period of  life following a mission was for most returning missionaries. So many critical decisions were to be made, that would lock them into patterns and positions that would work powerfully for their good, or for ill. Selecting the right spouse seemed to me the most potent of these decisions. So for many months now, I have prayed and fasted for them in that regard, sometimes as a whole, and sometimes for particular ones. The readily obtained answers to these pleadings are beginning to accrue. This month, four new families were founded in the Holy Temples, and lives full of hope and anticipation have been launched together with able and worthy spouses. If the ultimate measure of our efforts is to be measured in the character and devotion of the grandchildren of those missionaries, then we have reason to hope for good inasmuch as so many have begun well, taking to heart the admonition to “do it right from the beginning.” We rejoice in their joy, and hope in their hope.

 

Similarly, as the number of offspring from these marriages begins to grow and these young fresh spirits make their entrance onto the stage of life, we feel great anticipation and excitement. Mission grandchildren, as we have come to refer to these offspring, are a big part of our joy as well. We only regret that limitations on time, resources, and the current travel restrictions have cut off direct contact with these joys, as well as our own biologic grandchildren. 

In another aspect of the heritage of these genealogies, we have the on-going opportunity to see many of the new converts and even former investigators of our time in Vietnam stepping forward to serve full-time missions. For many of these Pioneers, this is not a trivial decision, nor even entirely their own. Our dear friend L was baptized in 2017, the only member of her family, of course. As a young woman who had entered the workforce following school, her family’s next expectation was for her to marry and begin a family. But to make matters more complicated, a sibling was pursuing a career in the Public Security arm of the government. As is well known to all in that division, a primary responsibility is to oversee potentially seditious religious organizations, and therefore any officer with personal OR family connections to religious organizations is black-marked to not advance into increased duties. Hence that same sibling looked upon L as blocking their ability to move up in the security apparatus, and as the oldest child, he easily recruited both parents into opposing L’s participation, attendance, and support for the Church. 

But Wonder of Wonders, Miracle of Miracles, after much counsel, prayer, fasting, and gentle persuasion, God did make a wall fall down. What tremendous joy we felt when the text came from L detailing with ebullient joy that both parents had granted permission for L to serve a mission. To make matters even sweeter, we know a certain returned missionary who will be waiting for the completion of that service. So our fasting for L and L’s parents, also meant fasting for a future spouse of infinite worth and high commitment and faith. It was two for one!

And so the rivers flow and we shall both watch from the banks, and at times follow the currents.

Turning further towards our desires...

                                   

The things that motivate us are most often pretty universal, although also individual. In a country with a history of poverty and deprivation, the widespread yearning to build a better economic life for themselves and their children has been a dominant theme in Vietnam's psyche for a long time. The belief that by working more, working harder, they can lift themselves from their plight is prevalent. We often encounter people who work 15-17 hours a day to provide for their families. It is a habit born of the day when one's employment barely covered the costs of putting rice in the bowl for half the month. Lawyers and teachers take on extra work by driving an Uber or Grab ride-sharing vehicle in their off hours. Home businesses (from selling smoothies to hardware) supplement the office job or factory work, managed by the at-home grandparent or spouse, usually with opening hours that would make a convenience store jealous.  
Clearly related to this is the recognition that war and conflict poses a risk to that hope, just as it has imposed a heavy cost in the past. So a desire for peace has also been a celebrated theme here for a long time. 
Hanoi has proclaimed itself a "city of Peace" and the symbolism of the dove figures strongly in public iconography, right down to the public buses that feature an idealization in their exterior paint design. While maintaining a strong presence of a military, and often attracting recruits by means of the economic advantage of education and employment, the city is not one that has seen armed conflict for a long time now.

The drive for economic improvement is related perhaps to the thrust to become educated, and the desire to see one's children better educated than oneself so they have an advantage in the marketplace ahead. Schools in Vietnam are often crowded, with generally large classes, sometimes with two different sessions for different enrollments, a morning session from 7-12 and an afternoon enrollment from 1-5. In addition, the number of evening classes offered by private teachers and tutors, as well as institutes, academies, and such is protean. Walking by the ILA, or the VietMy Association, or Titan Education buildings at 8 pm is to see the upwardly hopeful parents awaiting their children's release from these enrichments.

Of course many of these enrichments are merely core capabilities like English, math and science as well. While suburban parents in the west escort their kids to soccer or gymnastics or music, the after school hours here are crammed with added study sessions in languages and STEM content.
These drives and desires carry over into times when we might rather they did not, such as Sunday mornings, when we would prefer that families were together and attending church services, and of course Monday evenings when we'd encourage families to strengthen their bonds with each other.
I think the challenge for families in this case, or individuals, is in understanding truly the ultimate costs, rather than just the marginal costs. With a bias towards seeking economic improvement, or educational benefit, or even peace and social harmony, we make most decisions to seek these things based only on the added incremental cost, the marginal cost- be that a couple of more hours of work at night, an extra class for an hour on Sunday morning, or an added social imposition of control to preserve peace. But in making these kinds of choices we often undervalue the alternatives, things which might also be strong values, but less urgent and more easily deferred to another time, or just relegated to someone else's duty.
What is the true value of a few hours each week for family time in the evenings? What kind of difference does it make for a father to hold and play with his children each day? How would one's life be different if one were together with one's family in church each Sunday? What kind of human values would develop if allowed to gather for social action without the need to register content details and the ID card numbers of each participant whether foreign or domestic? These are questions oft forgotten or left unanswered in the rush of humanity towards the elusive goals of a better more secure economic life, higher education and urban tranquility.
We are heartened however by the number of bright young single adults who are seeing the difference that a balance between these dominant drivers in society can make. They are bravely swimming against the stream in taking time to worship, time to serve, and time to integrate spirituality amid the press of the corporal concerns. The recent YSA conference in Hanoi centered around the theme that "Your Story Begins at Home" and helped many of them see the relationships with parents, siblings and friends as the starting point for happiness in the story they are writing to include a spouse, children and grandchildren. The inter-connectedness of choices in small and simple things now and the state of their lives decades from now became more clear as they heard the story of others further along the path, like Elder and Sister Peter Meurs, from the Asia Area Presidency.

Though we are not totally sure whether they come for the fruit and home-made cookies, or the chance to discuss the topics from the institute courses on preparing for an eternal and glorious marriage, we are grateful to welcome a varied group of these young people to our home on Sunday evenings. Even when the topic is as grave as how to confront and overcome problems like pornography, they seem eager to listen, ask insightful and probing questions, and linger after to visit. (And they are always keen to clean up the kitchen and such before they leave!)

We aren't going to turn the tide of Vietnamese society away from its yearning for a better economic future, nor will we have much impact on the private enrichment educational industry here through our branch-builder's English sessions, but we think there are a growing number of wondereful young Latter-day Saints who are seeing that fulfillment and joy in life is not measured in the size of a bank account, or the score on your IELTS exam. It is however found in the peace of mind and heart that comes from relationships made pure by the Atonement of Jesus Christ