Tolstoi begins his epic novel Anna Karinina with the assertion that “All happy families are the same. Unhappy families are unhappy each in their own way.” I am inclined to believe that the same might be said about missionaries, based on our observations with just under 100 such young men and women, and a small number of older senior missionaries. But the problem in analyzing our data is that the group size in our sample is altogether too small for the latter group. Yes, we have had some unhappy missionaries, missionaries who were stressed tremendously, having a hard time coping, ailing spiritually or emotionally, and in some circumstances physically. But for the most part those have been temporary transient stages of missionary development. And that is the great miracle of a mission, that through the atonement of Christ and their own resiliency, young and inexperienced individuals are tempered, strengthened and transformed, and older, often wiser, individuals are also fortified, humbled, enabled and changed for the better as well. How does this happen?
The missionary call letter does not declare the purposes that God has in calling people to His work, nor really give much of a hint of the hardships and trials that will accompany acceptance of the task. It does explain the expectations that one will leave behind other pursuits, live to a higher standard, and devote essentially all of their efforts towards the missionary purpose to invite others to come unto Christ by helping them develop faith in Christ and his atonement, learn to repent so that they can with a clean heart and life make the covenant of baptism and receive the amazing gift of the Holy Ghost to always be with them.
I have asked each of our new missionaries why they are here. What made them want to come on a mission in the first place? Adventure? Duty? Love for others? Seeing the impact of a mission on other friends or family? A testimony of the Gospel? The responses are often similar, but give me a clue as to the hardships ahead, and the degree to which they have already come to know the transforming power of the Atonement of Christ. Some have a glimmer of what God designs to make of their lives, but others do not see the magnitude of their potential and God’s blueprint for their lives. Watching that dawn on them as they try to help others come to know Him better (and thus discover Him for themselves as well) is nothing short of amazing.
I have also asked them why they are HERE, rather than in Pawhuska, or Peoria, or Pretoria. Why Asia, why Vietnam, why Now, with me? Partly this question is for me as well. Why has God given them into my care? And what does he expect me to do with them, to teach them, help them through, or help them learn?
Probably it is time for some more specific (though nameless) examples. Elder ___ was not very experienced with life, and yet he was remarkably experienced. He had no worldly sophisticated savvy, was a terrible writer, horrid speller and had not been technologically experienced. He hadn’t even known how to use an ATM to withdraw his support allowance. But although his life had been tough, he had an enormous capacity to love, and an irrepressible optimism. This made him a candidate for everyone's "favorite companion" list, and also a remarkable example of Chirst. He quite easily became a "living epistle" of Him. He was here to be that "utility player companion" that I could put with anyone and ensure a good outcome, but also a wonderful example to members of how one could overcome obstacles (family, economics or otherwise) with the knowledge of the gospel. He learned to create unity in his distict, companionship and branches. And we learned to add the life skills that will enable him to step upward and forward once he is finished.
Elder _____ came from an average cultural LDS background, and it might be thought, had come for all the wrong reasons- response to the expectations of others, boredom with life, and who knows why. "I dunno" was the fully truthful answer to my query "why are you HERE?" The language didn't come easily because he wasn't sure if he wanted to learn, or really know why he should learn. For a long while he went through the motions, more or less, or maybe less than more, without much emotion. But his companions loved him; we loved him and we patiently tried to minister to him until meaning began to come into his life. He stopped just floating along and began to see that unless he cared about those people he was meeting with, talking to, and studying to prepare for, he was just useless to them. Then it started to happen that he began to figure out his purpose here, and to find the Lord's purposes for him. What an amazing awakening! In missionary work though, the truly remarkable thing is that sequence is repeated many, many times, in every mission. How truly remarkable that is, miraculous one might even say.
This process is not limited to the young. Sister ___ began her mission with a hope to be an influence for good. She had some ideas about where she might serve, and how, but for various reasons none of those seemed to work out. It took a long time for her call to arrive, but it did and she rejoiced.. Of course the options for older senior sisters are more limited due to concerns for health, safety and the general challenges of companions suited to working together. But she started out, accepting her assignment, and then quickly finding her calling as a missionary. She began to see places where she with her skills and talents, could make a real difference. Most remarkably, her desires not only transformed her, but spread to other members of her family who were themselves strengthened in their faith and dedication to the gospel. The power of Christ's atonement began to touch them, to heal their hearts, their relationships with Him and with each other, and the results will be wonderful.
One of the hardest moments for any missionary is when they come face to face with their own weaknesses, and in particular the weakness from prior sinfulness that was not fully cleared away before they started to serve. Knowing now that they really cannot do what they came to do with any degree of unworthiness, they are faced with the painful prospect of possibly being sent home in embarrassment and shame, facing up to the accusor in their conscience, or trying to sear that conscience long enough to complete their mission, salvage "face" and continue the ruse. The fear of facing consequences is immense, and makes for stress and unhappiness. But with courage bolstered by the security of love, and not a few prayers from many at home, these unhappy moments can themselves be the catalyst for the most amazing transformation. Elder ___ when faced with the options he might have to return to a disapproving family remarked they he would probably just get off the plane somewhere and disappear, rather than endure the barrage of questions, the pressure of silent scorn or other emotional insults he knew would emerge in his family culture. But with time, with significant effort to repair and repent, the Balm of Gilead interrupted that progression to alienation and loss, and replaced it with a sweet confidence in the Savior, and an even sweeter unity and confidence within the family. When I think on this, I cannot doubt the statemet of Elder Renlund that "Repentance is Joyful." That indeed may be the best interpretation of 2 Nephi 2:27, "Adam fell that men might be (sinful), and men are that they might have joy (through repentance.)"
I don't know what Tolstoi would say were he to have listened in on our hours of interviews, read through the weekly letters that detail the transformation, but I think in the end he might conclude that missionaries are tried and challenged in many ways, but they are all healed, transformed and made better in the same ways-- only in and through the Atonement of Christ, the Author and Finisher (if not also the Prompter) of our salvation. Most certainly I have been.
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